How well should you know your date before seeing them?

[metalman69_PREV (deleted)]

This is not so much a sujbect, but more of a story. I had met a woman online about a years ago(which was around the time I first started going online to meet woman). Before this I had no real idea of what dating sites were about. I had talked to this woman for a little over 3 weeks before she talked me into meeting her. There were signs that I should of looked for, but at the time I thought she might of really liked me. We planned on spending the whole day together, so I got a hotel room reserved for the night. I drove over 2 hours to meet this woman and when I finally did meet her I sensed this woman was NOT attracted to me in anyway, shape or form. When I gave her a hug(which was the only physical contact on the date) it was limp and lifeless. I figures I would not go with my senses and just try to enjoy the date. I commented on her looks in a good way and the only thing she had to say to me was something to the degree about my hairloss(which is why I shave my head now). During the entire date she kept a good distance from me and I felt no sense of closeness. The more I got to really know her in person the more I realized this is definately not the type of person I should of ever dealt with in the first place. What ended the date was when we were at a night club talking about being carded in a bar she had the nerve to bring up my hairloss again, at that point I said lets leave. When she dropped me off at my car I drove I let her know how I felt about things and she did not like it too much. When I got home she wrote me an email explaining that I was right for the most part that she was not physically attracted to me at all. This really pissed me off because she did see a few of my recent pictures. I knew at this point whatever her reasons were for seeing me were not to h--k up with me. The only thing I can think of would be intellectual curiousity(which is still a real bad reason to meet anyone). This date really taught me a hard leason. I feel now if you are going to meet anyone that is a distance away and you plan on spending time with them you should at least talk to them for 90 days. If you give it this long and you both still get along it would have much better odds of working out. During the time you get to know someone look for the good as well as the bad. Don't do what I did and settle for the first thing that comes along. To prevent my situation from happening I should of been alot more honest in my profile, if I had done this, this woman would of never responded to me in the first place(which would of been a great thing). This is why I will write a profile that weeds people out and is brutally honest at times. The most important thing I had learned are your senses can really save you from a situation if you know when to go with them. If someone can benefit from my experience maybe it was worth it them.

P.S. Even though things did not work out I do not hate this person, I just have no respect for what their intentions really were. One thing I will never do is reveal the identity of someone I had dated(I will give a date that much respect).

[2rainbow (deleted)]

[b]I think that she did you a favor by letting you know right away, although not very nicely, that things were not going to work for her--for whatever excuse she gave you.

Meeting right away gives us that physical knowledge that lets us know how interested we really are. I advocate meeting as soon as possible for just the reasons you gave in your story.[/b]

[princessofpink]

I think that until you actually meet someone it's all just a roll of the dice. That's one of the reasons I'm not interested in long distance relationships. I think most of the time people invest way too much before they actually have met the person. I think that in your case, you probably would have continued to match well online but in person there would never have been a spark. So I say meet soon, don't invest time and emotion in something that may never be there in real life!

[justpeachyinsc]

Knowing someone well enough before a date isn't a guarantee that the date will go well.

I view dating as the opportunity to get to know someone and FIND OUT if there is something there to pursue.

No it wasn't right that she did that the way she did, but if you felt any ambivalence about her feelings then you could have told her you changed your mind.

Maybe next time you should see if the woman is willing to meet you halfway... that should give you at least an inkling as to whether or not she is really interested in meeting you. If she's not willing to take any part of trip to cover the distance herself then odds are she isn't going to go that extra mile in a relationship either.

However that is only my opinion and there very well could be women out there that simply can't take on part of the trip no matter how much they want to, but if that is the case they are usually resourceful enough to try to make your part of it less cumbersome by helping out with something.

[shannon51]

It doesn't matter how many pictures you see or how long you talk, until you meet in person and spend a quality amount of time together, you can't know the other person well enough to know if you are attracted or not. I don't like meeting right away, but then I'm not looking to start a relationship either, I like to just talk and get to know a person, what they look like in person doesn't bother me all that much, but then I'm not your normal person. I would never think of it as anything other than online talking or even nothing more than dating in the beginning, and if someone isn't attracted, it's no skin off me, I'm glad to know right up front that they aren't interested, beats those who fake it thinking they are being nice, when in reality they are just lying to you.

[srgrl]

This woman's behavior is just appalling and she may have some "projection" issues, displacing her insecurities by trying to point out her perception of "yours".

I think chemistry is more than just physical attraction, its a whole package deal! If something so superficial as hair is the focus of her attention, then obviously she wasn't worth it, and she was of little substance. Its a shame that she didn't take the time to get to know you, not your hair.

I do disagree about meeting right away. I met someone after a few conversations online and the phone. The guy turned out to be overly clingy, and had major stalker issues. When I tried to end the date for other obligations that he knew about prior to the date, he insisted that he would follow me, regardless of my feelings. It was weird and maybe more conversations would have set off some of the "red" flags.

I do think, that meeting should be mutually agreed upon in a fair amount of time.

I wish you luck on your future endeavors and hope the next lucky woman realizes her good fortune! I hope you get a better hug too!

[jnighthawk34]

Hello all!
There is no real time frame, when you should meet a person, because dating is getting to know a person, and meeting them is also a part of that. When the two of you decide that you are willing to meet in person, you start to learn more about each other. and yes it happens to everyone. But keep in mind that what you feel about some one might not be reflected back to you.
Your feelings and your heart will tell you when it's right or wrong and you should always listen to them and be honest with yourself and the other person involved. If you are judging and being judged on physical appearance
only? and not on what's in the heart. Two people will surely get hurt.

I say use the tools you have to work with, when deciding on when to meet some one. Remember it's a matter of when all things are right for the two of you.

Take care, Be careful, and enjoy life.

jnighthawk34 (Jeff)

[metalman69_PREV (deleted)]

I really appreciate all the responses I had gotten from this forum. First off, someone had stated you don't know if you are really attracted to someone until you meet them. The reason I said the women I dated should of known better than to see me is because she saw my recent pictures ,during the date she oviously had a problem with my hair loss. In my pictures I had posted at the time you could very well see I had a hair loss problem, if someone does not like a man with hair loss they should not even bother to see them. Second thing I'd like to address is someone said my date and I would of probably gotten along better as chat buddies and I do believe that is correct. Some people I guess are better off not ever meeting. And the last thing is I have no problem meeting someone close by within a matter of days, but if they live good distance from where I live then I'd sooner take my time(and save my money, which I'm not trying to be cheap, I'm just not that rich).

[jnighthawk34]

You're welcome Metalman69.
I would feel the same way being rich or not. You deserve better respect than that. If she wasn't interested in meeting you, she should have let that be known from the start.

jnighthawk34 (Jeff)

[boxernut_PREV (deleted)]

I think bald headed men a just a little sexy. But maybe thats because my brother and nephew choose to keep their head clean shaven. Don't misunderstand me, i am not saying that they are sexy, but I guess when you are around them, a clean shaven head, is no big deal, just like men with beards. If I ever saw my one brother without his beard, I wouldnt even recognise him.

[sweetie1537 (deleted)]

`I want to know why if a person is overweight that they should have to let people know that before they start talking to someone online and a person that is a self centered egostical prick doesn't have to do that. I met a guy for drinks last night and he decided to send me on a wild goose chase because he didn't like the fact that I was overweight. He went so far as to tell me that he was way out of my league because of my weight even though he didn't say it. He did say that he was way out of my league. He and I were getting along great until we met for drinks. He saw pictures and he thought I was cute.

[audioscarfer (deleted)]

.well they shouldn't!!! that should never be a problem!!! if they dont love/like you for your personality, then they don't deserve your time!!!

[berto1]

.yea would like to know more about her

[blueyes765_PREV (deleted)]

.i dont know

[southernfairy (deleted)]

id give it at least a week.to get comfortable